Adam and Eve

Adam was returning home late one night. When Eve confronted him.
"You are seeing another woman, aren't you?" she accused.

"Don't be silly," he replied. "You are the only woman on earth."

Later that night Adam woke up feeling a tickle on his chest.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked Eve.

"What do you think?" she asked. "I am counting your ribs."

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God's Kids

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from
the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to
His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
The first thing he said was, "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?
Hey, Eve...we have forbidden fruit!"

"No way!"

"Yes, way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why he
stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw his children having an apple break
and he was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?"
God, as our first parent, asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that
Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed! But there
is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly
tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't
be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what
made you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

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Making comparisons.

In Heaven:

The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:

The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.